Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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