Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
