i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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