i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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