haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Randomize
