I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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