Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
whose parrot is this?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
