Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
