Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
