Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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