wanna go halves on a baby?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
