I got chris browned last night
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
