i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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