i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
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