We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
