Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
