I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
