i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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