awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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