very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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