Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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