I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
