It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
