I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
