is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
We had sex on a dog bed..
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
