I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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