haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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