He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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