The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
