8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
