If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
