I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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