Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
