Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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