Are we in a gay sports bar?
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
