there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
