The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
