Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
