Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
