you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Randomize
