Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
barbara walters just said penis...
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
