So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
