Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
