Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I have peed in a lot of sinks
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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