is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
