so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
