i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
