the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
