He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
