Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
